Funny Stalker Joke Up in This Tree Through Binoculars
My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.
She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.
A woman walks into the kitchen...
And sees her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"Killing flies?" She asked.
"Yep, two males and three females," he responded.
"How can you tell?"
"Easy, the boys were on the beer and the girls were on the phone!"
How to Tell the Sex of a Fly
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting Flies," he responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" she asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband...
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?", she asked.
"Hunting Flies" he responded.
"Oh, Killing any?" she asked.
"Yup. 3 males. 2 females" He responded.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on the beer can, and 2 were on the phone"
*Incredible*
How did Jack know exactly where to find the goose in the giant's castle?
He had *bean stalking* her.
There was one good thing still to be said about the politician who went to prison for stalking...
He was a man of the peep-hole!
Two magic beans...
Two magic beans are in a court house. One of them wants a restraining order against the other.
The reason?
He's bean stalking her
A french pastry was stalking me this morning
I felt really creped out
You call it stalking, I call it stalking.
See how much we have in common! Why wont you let me love you!
I don't call it stalking
I call it checking up
So my girlfriend thinks I'm stalking her.
Well, she's not a my girlfriend but she will be soon.
You can explore stalking fonzie reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stalking hunt dad jokes. There are also stalking puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My girlfriend has accused me of stalking her.
Well, technically she's not my girlfriend yet.
I stopped at a friend's house the other day and found him stalking around with a fly-swatter. When I asked if he was getting any flies, he answered:
'Yeah, three males and two females.' Curious, I asked how he could tell the difference. He said: 'Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone.'
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
**WAIT**.. it was actually on my binoculars
Sheila walked into the kitchen to find Bruce stalking around with a fly swatter...
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
What is the difference between a stalking African Pygmy and a jogging Jane Fonda?
One of them is a cunning runt.
What does an ear of corn hang on his fireplace during Christmas?
A stalk-ing! (A stocking!)
My ex got me arrested cause i used to sit outside her house all day.
She thought i was stalking her but i wasn't, i just had her WiFi code.
I think my neighbor is stalking me...
I saw her googling my name through my telescope.
My girlfriend just got mad and accused me of stalking her.
Well, she's not actually my girlfriend yet.
I fear my neighbor may be stalking me, she's been googling my name last night on her computer.
I saw it clearly through my binoculars.
A place where stalkers meet and share their stalking stories..
The Stalk Exchange.
I think my neighbor is stalking me through her computer, because I've seen her google my name.
I'm certain I saw it on my telescope last night.
Following someone around is typically defined as "stalking"
At my university, it's defined as "finding a parking space"
I think my neighbor might be stalking me because she won't stop googling me.
I saw it through my telescope last night
What is the definition of stalking?
When two people takes a long, romantic walk on the beach, but only one of them knows about it
"♪ ♫ He sees you when you're sleeping He knows when you're awake... ♪, ♫"
Which is why Santa Clause was arrested and convicted for aggravated stalking and unlawful breaking and entering by a jury of his peers in a court of law.
I got arrested for tailgating a lorry.
Or as the police called it, "stalking my ex".
January is national stalking awareness month...
That crept up on my fast
Hey girl, do you live in a corn field?
Because I'm stalking you.
I've been seeing a therapist
i saw him last on the subway. i think he's stalking me
My crush told me someone was stalking her when she was walking home.
I instantly called her on her bullshit because nobody else was following her when I followed her home.
Why did the Potato call the police?
Because the Celery was stalking her.
Why was the celery arrested?
It was accused of stalking.
Stalking is when two people are going for a romantic walk together
but only one of them knows about it
My crush is completely paranoid
She told me someone was stalking her yesterday when she was going home. I followed her all the way and didn't find any stalker.
I recently started Abseiling and Hang Gliding.
The girl I have been stalking is getting harder and harder to follow.
Did you hear about the really popular film about stalking Jehovah's Witnesses?
It had a cult following audience!
You know what's my favorite part of my stalking support group?
You never have to introduce yourself.
Ladies and Gentlemen, when it comes to stalking,
I'm 100% behind you.
Cliff Richards
The singer Cliff Richard has been suffering from much online abuse since the court case
He's got himself some spying, talking, tweeting, stalking, living trolls
My neighbor's been stalking me
I think my neighbor is stalking me. She searched up my name last night, I saw through her bedroom window. Thank god I have this telescope.
Everyday you should try to do something new,
to scare the person you are stalking....
In college, I took a year to study abroad.
It was fun until I got caught...
Apparently it's called "stalking"
What do you call love without evidence?
Stalking
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been Googling my name on her computer.
I saw it through my telescope last night.
What did the lettuce say to the celery?
'Are you stalking me?'
I used to be a stalker
I'm not proud of it, but nowadays people are asking me for tips and tricks on stalking. So here it is:
In order to be a stalker, you need to do the following…
These Farmers got arrested!
Did you hear why the celery farmer got arrested?
For stalking
Did you hear about the hay farmer that got arrested?
He's out on bail
Did you hear about the root vegetable farmer that got arrested?
He beet up his friend with a potato and didn't carrot all.
guys are all like i want a crazy gf
then all of a sudden they're all mad at you like how did you find my location why are you stalking my kindergarten girlfriends mom on facebook you can't chain me up and force me to be your boyfriend
like omfg pick a side
Sting: Every breath you take, I'll be watching you
Woman: Mr Sting, if you don't stop stalking me, I'm going to call the police.
Sting: I am the Police.
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Source: https://jokojokes.com/stalking-jokes.html
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